back by popular demand
buckle up kiddies this is a long one
last time on channel ogré:
- fifi began her quest to breed
- fifi dug up some junk and a treasure chest that she did not appreciate
- fifi narrowly escaped an encounter with whisper gashlycrumb
- fifi met frances who apparently took "it's what on the inside that counts" to heart
- frances moved in
frances: what a fuck that was. my bits are still a-tinglin'
frances: it's delightful
a tiny doge arrived
frances contrary to stereotypes is friend to all creatures great and small, not just like ravens and black cats and toads and shit
fifi: uh oh i think i got a hop-on
fifi: SPLORK. yeah, definitely a hop-on
frances: row row row your boat gently down the styx merrily merrily merrily merrily conquer death for kicks
fifi: that looks right
fifi: well hey there little hop-on!
pooklet and i envisioned fifi as the kind of person who keeps a murder of cats, so off she goes to the pet shelter to make a new feline friend.
uh what are you doing in there
miss pretty: slumming it
sixtylilies: doll what should we name this cat all i can think of is noodl—
so spelunk she emphatically fucking was
she was gonna be purple and green like literally this entire legacy but i don't have green fur for cats unlocked yet so it's something to look forward to
size comparison. i'm not sure if it's that spelunk is huge or tiny doge is tiny or both but jesus crispies.
spelunk: i hate this species of bird if i wanted a clump of feathers i'd tear up a pillow
frances: look at that graceful jump. yes. yessss
spelunk: i know right
whisper's real dad strolled by
that guy: wait what
tiny doge lives life on the edge (of the street)
frances: oh my GLOB you're cute brah
gumbo: thanks brah hey can i use your bathroom
spelunk: this is some bullshit
spelunk: this is my floor now
spelunk: do you hear me mom my floor
gumbo: that silly celery. she's welcome to the floor, i can live a perfectly full life never touching the ground
gumbo: i'm gonna walk on every furniture.
spelunk: hey ya
tiny doge: i'm sure no one will mind
for awhile it was pretty much just pet time all the time
spelunk: room for one more
there's no free fuckin rides in this household
actually i'm just trying to unlock all the fur colors without cheating for once so all the pets got jobs
you ok there little biscuit
spelunk: fine. slowly phasing into another doormension. don't watch
that's the most comfortable place to do that i'm certain
frances: i disagree with
tiny doge: spelunk are you in here
fifi: when you're done eating that roll babe how's about we smash our faces together with tongue
frances: wed me
fifi: *high-pitched moth squeaking*
shibe: very engagement
fifi: i'm so happy!
frances: S̭̖͙̜ͯͪͅǪ̣̝͚͓͍̩̞̟̈́̊ͣͭ̎ͮͭͦ̂ ̷͓̞͇̼͖͎̄̈̂ͬ͐ͣ̈̇̚ͅĄ͕̝͈̺̼͓̩ͫͬ̃̔͗ͣͨ͟M̷ͫ̔̿͝
frances: anyways yeah let's go smash our mouthholes together and maybe our busts too
fifi: by mercury is that a cardinal
fifi: oh. no, it's just a fuckin robin. GET OUT OF HERE ROBIN YOU'RE NOT INVITED
infant: did i just come out of that
that newborn already knows what's up
so this is gigi, middle name 'there is no god'
frances: everything ok in there, sweetbean? i'd come make sure, but dancing with the sims is on.
spelunk: what the hell is that
frances: oh man, my nails are a horrorshow. i need a mani bad.
gumbo: i am paralyzed with terror
gumbo: SWEET OBLIVION, OPEN YOUR ARMS
gumbo: i am going to drop such a deuce in your bed
tiny doge: i'll sleep here tonight
in your own urine
tiny doge: it makes my coat glossy
frances: not for long
gigi: i'll help, mama
tiny doge: oh good i can regloss my coat
gigi: yay i helped
frances: GLOB IT SMELLS LIKE SOMEONE DIED IN HERE
yeah, that creature looks like she could poop a corpse smell, tbh
frances: DID YOU HEAR THAT GIGI? MOMMY'S POPULAR
tiny doge: hello, dirt pile? dirt pile? pile of dirt? dirt? i'm looking for some dirt
fuck i'm hypnotized it's like staring into the face of a cobra
yes, by all means, spawn another scoop-faced monstrosity
how's the view, spelunk
potty training face: it's even cute on ogres
fifi: small offspring this is not the way to bond with me so that i will take care of you rather than hate your screaming guts
disapproving cat chair: bitch i know you're not gonna leave this bowl wafting stinkfumes in front of me
watch your back spelunk, the gratitude of wheatleys is worth nothing
fifi: honeychump don't you think flower crowns are maybe a little bit passé?
frances: i've made a huge mistake
frances: send me a babysitter, i'm gonna see this mistake through to the end
and this is what we were sent
her name is aurora but i think i have to change it to ariel
i could've sworn one of the last EPs allowed toddlers to go to community lots, but if so it's broken in my game, so i guess facebeast jr. will not be attending the wedding.
feefs are you all right
fifi: yeah. slowly phasing into my wedding dress. don't watch
i forgot i changed medieval dress defaults so this was a vampy surprise
wow spectra way to wear the same dress as one of the brides
fifi that's not the one ring it's just a wedding ring
fifi: but it's MY one ring 8D
marian: dang kendall that dress is hella. i bet it cost beaucoup bucks.
fifi are you trying to kiss her or swallow her whole
hello frankie fiebelkorn!!
fifi: my first time gazing into the middle distance as a married woman. magical
fifi: OPEN WIDE, LEGALLY-WEDDED WIFE
fifi: i'm hilarious
you are a terror in the night
frances: you're hilarious!
fifi: told ya.
cheez-its, you're both terrors in the night
frances: and the day! don't limit us.
fifi: i'm glad we held the ceremony here even though we didn't know even one of our guests
marian: hot diggity damn spectra you lookin fine in that dress honey
ahh, it wouldn't be a proper trip to wedding chapel 2.0 without a drunken proposal to a complete stranger
spectra: so, hey, i'm a romance sim, how's about you and i go into that gender-neutral bathroom and i bang your gavel like a judge with a grudge
fifi: gosh, that spectra is hot! especially in that dress.
i think it's time you two went home
it's also time to say goodbye