at long last, let us resume our journey through the ancient and venerable house of fiebelkorn.
- twyla moved in and everything went to triple romance sim hell
- strawberry and pistachio entered the notwomb
things have become a bit tense lately in the fiebelhaus.
sirena: mm, hamburgers...
sirena: did you not hear me? i'm making HAMBURGERS!
ti-ning: feel free! i'm just gonna finish this lobster thermidor i started, but you should make whatever you want.
sirena: i fucking hate you
alegra: what's up bitches
*pterodactyl shriek of rage*
isn't two plenty? i feel like two is plenty!
anyway, sirena likes to read to the bablets.
sirena: '...then, holding the mallet firmly in your hand, gently strike the keys with the mallet to produce the sound.'
pistachio: strawberry, join us. mom's reading us a book about toilets.
i thought she was reading xylophone instructions.
pistachio: well, the quality of this bedtime story is in the toilet, anyway
that is not your bed
aside from sirena's bedtime instruction manuals, the kids go pretty much ignored. if anything, alegra is their truest caregiver, seeing as she lets them eat her food instead of slitting their tiny throats for touching it.
alegra: for now.
ok, but why nature enthusiasm, though.
ti-ning: learning about fish mating rituals
OH, GOOD FOR YOU.
spectra: these blackberries are the bomb. too bad no one else is hungry right now, i think i picked too many.
what is going on in the den there
alegra: scratching my cat tree gets boring, what can i say
sirena has never once eaten a meal without twyla hanging around being far less sneaky than she thinks she is.
twyla: ugh, a lamp. how passe.
twyla: if only i had x-ray vision, i could see into the shower from here
twyla: hey, maybe the genie in that lamp deals in super powers!
since sirena and her ladylove won't stop trying to knock each other up, they have no recourse but to wed, in case twyla ends up carrying the next crotch dropping.
being the wedding of a romance sim, it is a somber affair
marriage does not change twyla very much.
twyla: call me sometime ti-ning! on my phone. cuz you live in my house.
sirena: oh man, right? ti-ning is SO HOT.
spectra: at last, something we agree upon
sirena: aww, i bet you're tired, pistachio! let me tuck you safely into your toddler blanket so you can have sweet dreams~
alegra: scratching post have you been working out cuz i don't remember you being this ripply
i am dead inside
spectra: remember my first time? wasn't it the best?
ti-ning: umm i was not yr first spectra
but you were there though
a reminder that strawberry exists, since the adults in this house require so much babysitting that i rarely get around to the kidlets
luckily sirena has my back
sirena: '...if it's yellow, let it mellow. if it's brown, flush it down.'
twyla: that is some exquisite craftsmanship. ojibwe?
sirena: i have not slapped your face in far too long a time, villain!
spectra: ow what the FUCK
meanwhile, strawberry grows
she is a cute.
back in spectra's room
oh good, i missed this so much
spectra: hah! i have slapped your face in front of your child. i have dishonored you in her eyes.
spectra: hey there auntie's favorite not-niece! look at you, so grown up 8D
another cute appears
spectra: now, as for your mom
pistachio: *finds refuge in being stoic*
twyla: congratulations on winning so many fights, sweetpea!
sirena: I'M ABOUT TO WIN ANOTHER
instead, they adjourned to the dining room to eat leftovers with the entirety of the table between them.
i am dead inside
alegra occasionally remembers other members of the family exist. that's good, since i sure don't.
ti-ning had her baby. meet rum raisin
both couples celebrated the arrival in their own ways
strawberry: OH MY GOD MOMS NO
i thought i shooed everyone out but
spectra: fuck that sirena. the second she puts my newborn child down, i'm gonna hand her the business end of an ass beating.
spectra: look at her, changing my child's stinky diaper so i don't have to do it! the bitch
ti-ning: congratulations on your dazzling beauty, which has not waned in the slightest in all the years we've been together
spectra: yeah i'm still a fine bitch i am
ti-ning: i had a baby.
twyla: that is SO INTERESTING!
someone brought something green home from school
ti-ning: did you need something?
sirena: not a thing.
rum raisin: kitty!
alegra: death, be gentle and swift
twyla: *entirely appropriate family dinner conversation*
sirena: *contributes equally appropriate conversation*
ti-ning: oh my.
alegra: hey. do i know you?
ti-ning: was this cop always here fighting a burglar in our front hall?
strawberry: yay, i get to make the bed
sirena: that swimming pool is a-calling
burglar: oh my stars and garters, ti-ning is attractive!
spectra's back again to her old tricks of eating coffee beans to stay awake indefinitely
spectra: beats sleepin
on the front lawn, sirena abruptly transfers her ire to a new target.
sirena: i TOLD you i was making hamburgers, but NO, you had to show me up with lobster thermidor, you thoughtless jerk!
twyla: don't cry, pumpkin, i thought your hamburgers were delicious!
twyla: cheer up! think about how many enemies you've made. you should be proud of the level of hatred you inspire!
sirena: YOU'RE GODDAMN RIGHT I AM
zola fritter: this is as close as i'm getting to that house
sirena: fuck yooooou
sirena: i wonder how easy it would be to plant a knife riiiight at the top of your spine
ti-ning: *serenely cooks*
sirena: poop. missed my chance.
twyla: sirena stop plotting to murder the hottie
sirena: i hate how hot ti-ning is!
sirena: ti-ning is the worst.
spectra: heyyyy, it's alegra!
strawberry: i have received my marks. i await your judgment.
but examination of the report card would have to wait, because spectra and ti-ning would not fucking stop rolling the want to fuck in public.
so we went to the pool, since people are always fucking there anyway. they were going to defile the hot tub, but some randoms beat them to it, so they were relegated to the metal bench by the phone booth.
bilberry nightshade: should we really be watching?
ginger mcflashingblue: i mean, if they don't want us to watch, why are they doing it on a bench at the pool?
the kids are very cute but their fucko parents are so distracting that i genuinely tend to forget about them for long periods of time.
to be fair, they also don't do that much so far
spectra: mnnof. splmlph.
rum raisin: clappy hands for childhood!
then she ran immediately to pee in front of the toilet, and shower off the shame.
cute little puff! at least we're ending on a nice note this time. with that in mind, goodbyyyyyye